Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
