I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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