apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
