I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
