im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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