I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
