It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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