She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
