We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
