They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
