why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
