What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
