If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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