i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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