Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
