I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
