I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
