So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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