It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
