hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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