Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
