twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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