Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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