is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize