my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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