Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
