4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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