I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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