please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There r osticjed everywhere
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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