I just pynch a tree in the face
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
