we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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