i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
