Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
