remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
