Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize