And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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