I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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