sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
