just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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