im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize