You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize