we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
