i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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