If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
