My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
