just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
