If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
