Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
