just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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