Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
