We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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