I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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