there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize