i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
