Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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