Your face is a jimmy john
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
