We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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