Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
where are my eyebrows?
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