he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
