and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
