It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
