new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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