dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
