i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
