i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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