So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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