FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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