Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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