If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
