I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry about my life...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
