Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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