new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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