i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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