we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
