I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
