my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize