i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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